"I don't know, I woke up and there it was." When asked how only the handle of a putter was visible from his rectum.
I live in Colorado and I had a patient from Alabama tell me, “oh, y’all have them big horn goatalopes out here!”
I just had the most blank, questioning stare.
I started out in hemodialysis as a PCT. I went back to school and got my RN and have since transitioned to med/surg. I have always liked to play video games. One of my coworkers happened to play the same one. Dialysis patients usually have little to no urination depending on residual kidney function. My coworker and I were talking about the video game we played (World of Warcraft). I said, “I don’t PvP anymore.” (PvP = player versus player). My patient, a 74 y/o man, says,”I don’t PeePeePee anymore.” We lost it. We laughed so hard, I know I had tears running down my face.
A patient had a dream during the surgical procedure and when he was extubated he told me to play the lottery on the number in his dream. The number hit the next day and I didn’t play it !
I used to use some catch phrases with patients such as "The best thing for a cold is Tincture of Time." Meaning that regardless of what treatment is carried out it will take about 2 weeks for the cold virus to run its course. Wife was the patent with the cold. Skip ahead three months, same couple, same complaints, but husband said. "I gave her 2 teaspoons of brandy with thyme but that did not help." I nearly choked and bit off my tongue when I realized he had made a 'Tincture of THYME' based on my off hand comment. Remember WORDS COUNT.
I was examining a lady who brought her daughter to the clinic and she couldn’t remove her eyes off me , and I really asked her why she was looking at me like that , and she said I quote “She would come to the clinic everyday to look me in the eye
I was sitting with a one to one MS patient. Confused elderly man who always tried to get out of bed and pull IVs. He happened to be very talkative as well. He kept asking me to tell "that painter over there" to unlock the door. Also he told me to "pull the lever" to open the door. The lever was the lower extremity bedside rail. If I didn't do these things he got very cross and yelled at me so to keep the peace I complied. Reorientation did not always work with him but distracting conversation did. But he'd always go back to that same scenario with the painter and closed door. The way he talked to me made me feel like I was the apprentice in some sort of trade work and he was the foreman. I got the gist that we must've been in like a submarine or underground facility doing maintenance work and he was very clostrophobic. Oh and I was some guy named Jack. Had to have been a submarine. He cursed like a sailor!
